Poetry Day #2

Day 60

I was considering not posting today, as I'm very tired and still have a great deal of homework to finish. That being said, I thought I might as well just let you know that I memorized a poem today- the very same one that I wrote two days ago. Yay for me!

There Is No Explination...

...for why this post is like this.

Day 59
See above.

World Record Day

Day 58

Today, I broke a world record. I wasn't one of those lame-asses who just try to break world records, but don't. No, today, I really and truly broke a world record (to the best of my knowledge). I decided that in order to do this, I would have to attempt something that no one else has ever had the bravery to try. I decided to go for the fastest recitation of the following limerick:

I once had a roommate named Jarrett
He was rather like a big carrot
I like both, but I like Jarrett the most
If I said this again, I'd be like a parrot


I'm about 99% sure that the above is an original piece of writing. Therefor, nobody had that bravery to even attempt writing it, let alone saying it really fast. Who's the boss

Circular Day

Day 57

The book, explaining the various mystical powers of circles, directed me to draw circles everywhere I habitually go. On this small campus, I habitually go very many places. I picked the on where I spend the most time (including sleep), which is my room. I made a circle of books on my bed, and did my chemistry homework cross-legged in the center. I understood all but two of the twenty or so problems I did. Perhaps there is actually some mystical power these circles possess. I should try this kind of thing more often, though maybe next time I should make it out of candles, and make a sacrifice or something.

Symmetry Day

Day 56

I refused to participate in today's task. I was supposed to figure out how symmetrical my face is. First of all, it involved what appeared to be a great deal of math, which I'm doing enough of these days. Second, I believe that in this culture, there is far to much emphasis on people's flaws. It's capitalism, I suppose. The more flaws people think they have, the more products they'll buy to fix them. Too many times though, I hear a beautiful girl complain about her looks, or see someone (myself included) criticize someone's looks, when they're honestly attractive, doing fine. The less focus on our flaws we have the better. I'll consider this doing my part for the day (as well as not doing math).

Pizza Day

Day 55

Today, I was instructed to order an impossible pizza. This was a very easy task. At school here, we very, very rarely get pizza (especially after the resignation of one of our wonderful cooks). I'd average it out to be maybe one pizza every two and a half months. Therefor, I simply told Irving (one of our main, and also wonderful cooks) "make me a pizza." He responded saying something to the effect of "No, but maybe I will some other time." That was good enough for me.

Telepathy Day

Day 54

There was one flaw in my previous post. When I talked about possibly passing telepathy on to my future children, I missed one crucial detail: do I actually have the telepathy? Fortunately, today I got to find out. I started small, by trying to move tiny pieces of paper, crumbs, and the hands of the clock. When that didn't work, I started moving to bigger things, such as chairs, or people. I concentrated very hard on using whatever force I could summon to move these various objects, however if was to no avail. I tried a different tactic. It seems that telepathy can not only refer to moving object with one's mind, but also communicating with another person. After giving small tasks in my head to those sitting near me failed, I decided that my telepathic abilities must be dormant. I'll try again next year.

In What, Two or Three Years?

Day 53

"Decide what skills to pass on in your family." 

Originally I thought I could pass on something cool, like infiltrating enemy lines (whatever that entails), or telepathy. Perhaps though I should honor tradition, and pass on something that has been in the family for at least two generations, such as burbling (tilting your head back, placing a frozen pea on your pursed lips, then blowing gently, creating the effect that the pea is hovering above your mouth), or making bad puns. I could always do something practical like the ability to type quickly, or speak English. That sounds rather dull though. I think I'd rather go with the burbling.

Combination Day(s)!

Days 51 and 52

I've been lagging behind in terms of blog posts. I've been running two or three days ahead of myself, which isn't really working out very well. Therefore, I must do a combination post tonight, in which I detail the events of the past three days.
Day 51: I was supposed to live the metal lifestyle. I had little access to anything but music, so I listened to some Metallica, and called it quits.
Day 52: I had to eat a food that scares me. Again, do to my location, I couldn't walk into a store and buy bull testicles or a pig's hoof. However, my friend Caleb cooked lunch, and that was scary enough for me.

Pancake Day

Day 50

First off, I would like to apologize for two things:
1. I have not been posting every day. My schedule was messed up by going to Florida, but hopefully now that I'm back at school (for just one more month!), I'll be better about it
2. Some of my posts suck. I've not been spending nearly as much time on them as I have in the past. Again, sorry.

Fortunately for me, today was pancake day. I did not actually eat a pancake, however i decided that if this book was ever printed in french, day 50 would be "Crepe Day." I ate a crepe at Ihop. Not my usual choice for meals, but with limited resources, what can one do. Comparing it to a french crepe would be like comparing apples and oranges. Actually, that's not true. Apples and oranges have so many similarities. They're both fruits, they're both round, they're similar sizes, they grow on trees- the list could go on and on. It's more like comparing a well shaped club to the atomic bomb. That being said, the crepe wasn't terrible.

Admitting Emissions

Day 49

Today, I counted each of my, shall we say, emissions to discover... how many there were? I'm not really sure beyond that. The great thing about counting one's farts is that unless you hit the average number per day exactly, you win both ways. If you are below average, then good for you, the world is a slightly less stinky place because of you. If you are above average, then well, you are above average at yet another skill! Congratulations.
The number of emissions one emits per day is controversial. I've heard anywhere from 4-14. I went by what the book told me, as nine for the male average. I finished the day just below average, at 8. So sad for me.

Junk Mail Day?

Day 48

I don't get junk mail. Sorry.

The Meaning of Life

Day 47

Today, I googled "Life" to figure out the meaning of it. I got distracted, because I clicked on Life Magazine, and looked at photos for a while. I had trouble finding a definition, so I narrowed my search by adding the word "definition." I got a lot:

• a characteristic state or mode of living; "social life"; "city life"; "real life"
• the experience of being alive; the course of human events and activities; "he could no longer cope with the complexities of life"
• the course of existence of an individual; the actions and events that occur in living; "he hoped for a new life in Australia"; "he wanted to live his own life without interference from others"
• animation: the condition of living or the state of being alive; "while there's life there's hope"; "life depends on many chemical and physical processes"
• the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death); "the battery had a short life"; "he lived a long and happy life"
• the period between birth and the present time; "I have known him all his life"
• the period from the present until death; "he appointed himself emperor for life"
• a living person; "his heroism saved a life"
• liveliness: animation and energy in action or expression; "it was a heavy play and the actors tried in vain to give life to it"
• living things collectively; "the oceans are teeming with life"
• the organic phenomenon that distinguishes living organisms from nonliving ones; "there is no life on the moon"
• biography: an account of the series of events making up a person's life
• a motive for living; "pottery was his life"

Now I See You... Now I Don't

Day 46

Today, I was blind. I didn’t make it all day.

I began in a crowded street, which probably wasn’t a good idea, however I had my friend to guide me through, so I felt alright about it. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was struck by the fear of running into something large and metal. If not that, maybe running into a person, or perhaps falling off of a conveniently placed cliff. At first I was too shocked by the change to be aware of anything around me, but as time went by, I began to use my sense of hearing much more than usual. It became more difficult when my friend got bored with leading me around, and started to juggle while walking away very fast. He led me into a gift shop, and I opened my eyes. While I’m sure it would have been very interesting to be blind for the whole day, and really rely on my other senses to get around (except perhaps taste), I decided that the ten minutes of blindness that I experienced was enough for the time being, seeing as I’m in Florida at the moment.

Notice This Post!

Day 45

Today, I was supposed to make people notice me. I did.

The book gave various suggestions, such as “Glue a spatula under your arm,” or “Wear a crown.”  I had neither glue, nor a crown, though, so I decided to improvise. It actually came around by accident. We were at the pool (because we’re still in Florida), and two of the three friends I have with me and I decided to leave. We yelled across the pool to Tremayne, the third friend and took his shoes for him, so he wouldn’t have to go all the way back to where we were sitting. What kind intentions we had. I was elected to carry the shoes, and I toyed out loud with the idea of throwing them in the hot tub. I decided that that would be mean though, and as we began to walk under the overhang-roof, I tossed them up there. What was I thinking? I have absolutely no idea. I’m pretty sure that I actually wasn’t thinking anything. Whatever the reasons my subconscious decided to direct my arm to fling Tremayne’s shoes onto the roof, the fact remained that his shoes were up there, and I had no way of getting them down. He walked up to me, accompanied by my mother, and I explained the situation to them. We attempted several methods of retrieval, including climbing on each other’s shoulders, climbing onto a fake rock, and steeling the pool net. Unfortunately, none of these proved successful. My mother tried several times to ask the maintenance staff for help, but was stopped by yours truly. There was no way I was going to let anyone but me get these shoes down. Just as I was running out of ideas, I saw something. A family open a door, and step out onto a balcony which was placed very conveniently above the roof.

“I have an idea!” I said, as I ran inside the building. I walked briskly up the stairs until I got to the balcony. The family had disappeared, so I opened the door, and stepped out. I could see Tremayne’s shoes maybe 20 yards away from me. Unfortunately, there was a woman talking on her phone, gazing out of her window, directly at me. I nodded at her, tied on my invisible super-hero cape, and walked across the roof. Seconds later, I triumphantly picked up Tremayne’s shoes, and tossed them down to him. After my mother signaled the all-clear, I jumped down, and walked into the building, passing the security guard on the way. She grinned at us.

First Impressions

Day 44

I’m in Florida!  I apologize for not posting the last few days, but internet access is very difficult to procure here. That’s alright though, because there are giraffes right outside my balcony. No, really, there are.

Today I found out someone’s first impression of me.

I spent a while wandering around, looking for just the right person to ask, however, this was difficult. Most people were with their families, and I thought that they would have trouble being honest with me if their families were around. My friends and I sat down for a while, and I decided to call one of my other friends back home. Misha took the phone from me, so I took his, and called someone in his contacts I didn’t know. She picked up, and I explained that I wasn’t actually Misha, however we could still talk. She agreed, and after a bit I realized that I could use this opportunity to ask her for her first impression of me. She said that it was inherently strange, seeing as I was calling her on my friend’s phone and I didn’t know her and all, so that was alright with me. We had an interesting (or at least entertaining) conversation for a while, however there is only so much you can say to someone you don’t know. We said goodbye, and my friends and I proceeded to get lost down the hallways of the hotel for a while. The hallways are really long.

Sheep Day

Day 43

Today, I plan to count sheep on the way to sleep. I was doing homework until 3 last night, so I imagine that I'll probably only get to 4 or 5 sheep before I lose consciousness. I have counted sheep on two occasions previously, and it worked very well the first time, but not quite as well the second time (I kept getting distracted by other thoughts). I'll let you know how it works.

Birthday Day

Day 42

Today, I was directed to either write down my friends' birthdays so I don't forget them, or if I'm too lazy to do that, come up with an excuse for missing them. Though I was tempted to do the first option, I had already used up my allotted non-laziness for the day (yes, there is a finite amount), so I decided the second one would be the best. So friends, if I ever miss any of your birthdays, it is because I have been detained by the enemy. Please take the appropriate measures.

Compliment Day #2

Day 41

Today, I invented an entirely new compliment. This was difficult because it had to be both a compliment, and original, which is made much harder by people like Shakespeare and other people who write about love and crap like that. I'm pretty sure any compliment that would actually be taken as a strait compliment, and not anything else, has already been said. If not by poets and such, by the other people who've gotten to day 41 before me, so I figured I could go one of several routs:
Kind, yet complicated: Your hair blossoms like a winter lily on the side of a chateau.
Weird: You are the most elephanty person I have ever met. Your wrinkly gray skin can protect against mosquitoes like no one else I know.
Questionable: You have the claws of a tiger in your bosom, lying in wait to relinquish your fierce passion.
Conditional: You're the smartest person I'm talking to right now.
Comparison: You're better at eating cereal than all of the other Jacobs I know.
Cultural Acceptance: 哇，你居然翻译这个！干得好。你也有太多的空余时间。这算作一种恭维，因为我说好。
Obscure: You are so very adiaphorous, and you're probably the most leptorrhine person I know.
(Very) Rural: Yall looks like nut butter on a fresh-fry june-papper-bug-thang!

Let me know which one you prefer.  


P.S. I live in rural Wisconsin.

Superstition Day

Day 40

Today, I defied superstition. My task was to engage in various activities that those who are superstitious would tend to avoid, such as walking under a ladder, opening an umbrella indoors, or breaking a mirror. I am not a very superstitious person and I try to defy any superstitions I do have on a daily basis. Today was difficult simply because I found very few opportunities to do this. There were no ladders to walk under, breaking a mirror could get me suspended, and, though it was raining, I could not for the life of me find anyone with an umbrella. While Aaron managed to locate a black cat, the only opportunities I had for defying superstition were to spill salt without throwing it over my left shoulder (which, I'll admit, hurt a little- I think it was the first superstition I learned), and to whistle indoors (which I didn't know was associated with superstition until today). Nothing bad has happened to me yet- we'll just have to wait and see.

Forgetfulness day

Day 39

I kinda forgot about today (or, yesterday). I was supposed to keep a "proper" journal. Here is my recollection of yesterday:
Yesterday, I got stressed out about final projects, and getting my math in on time, and I was reunited with Courtney, a fabulous teacher from my freshman year. I hung out in the kitchen for a while at night with some friends.

See, this is why I need this book. Other than seeing Courtney, that's pretty much how my day goes everyday. Adding a bit of unconventionality into my life is a necessity.

The Grass is Always Greener

Day 38

Today, I walked on the grass with bare feet.

Though I would certainly characterize myself as an “outdoorsy” kind of person, I rarely take me shoes off when I’m outside. This could be attributed to an irrational fear of stepping on rusty, AIDS-infected hypodermic needles, I believe it is simply the lack of thought on my part that leaves my feet caged in shoes. I pretty much just never remember to take them off.

Today was different, though. Having been directed to by the book, I removed my shoes and stepped from the sidewalk to the grass. I walked in it for a while, scrunching my toes up around clumps of it. It was rather cold still, so there wasn’t a whole lot of green grass, however it was nice to feel what was there.

I'm Too Lazy to Think of A Pun

Day 37

Today would have been a great opportunity to make a pun by substituting the word "knight" for "night." However, I am rather tired and have had a lazy day, and I don't expect that to change in the near future. Dad, if you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments (beware, however, that if I am ever captured by enemy spies, they could use them as a method of torture).

I applied for knighthood today. I wrote an email to the authorities of England saying the following:

It is my wish to become officially recognized as a knight. I already possess at least three certificates of knighthood from several Renaissance fairs, however I suspect these have expired by now, and, given my situation (which I can explain in more depth in person*), I expect you shall have no trouble knighting me this coming summer. Please contact me promptly at the following address:
[my address]
Greatest thanks,
-Nicholas Tippins

My strategy in writing this letter was to make them feel like I am their superior by saying things such as "I expect," "It is my wish," and "contact me promptly," therefor subconsciously creating a need within them to please me. Though I have considerable doubts about this plan, it's certainly worth a shot.

*This gives me time to think of an appropriate situation

The Little Things

Day 36

"Today, give little tasks to the people around you."

Today was not hard. In fact, it was actually rather of fun. I was directed to give about 40 different small tasks to people, including "Taste my food for poison," and "Next time you see me, pretend like we've never met." I got a few strange looks when I asked someone to hold my hand as I crossed the sidewalk, and I confused my friend when I asked her to buy me lunch (something that my tuition has already paid for). My roommate greeted me with a bow, and Misha agreed to wake me up if I started to snore (during my chemistry test). I was rejected on two accounts, with the requests "Be my slave for a day" and "Sleep with me," though neither recipient of these requests gave them a second thought. Perhaps that says something about me.

Jag är inte död!

Day 35

I'm back! I am not dead (contrary to popular belief), though I did have a nasty bought with strep throat last week, hence my absence. The first thing I did after I got better was of course learn Swedish. Aaron and I asked around, and found that there are at least two people in my school who speak Swedish. They both know how to say 'hello,' however only one knew how to say 'how are you?' I decided to supplement my education with some handy phrases provided by the book, such as "There is a smurf buried in my butter," "You are a sausage," "My contact lens fell into that volcano on the right," and of course, the always useful phrase "There are a bunch of daffodils on the rampage." I imagine that I should also learn these phrases in French and Spanish, as these are fairly common situations, and I would not want to be stranded in a strange country without the ability to say these basic things. Perhaps I should think ahead, and learn "The palms of my feet are constructing portals for you while you sleep," In Chinese.