Well...

So, you may have noticed that I haven't posted in a while. I apologize for that. I was swamped in the middle of finals weeks (yes, we have two), and figuring out my life and all. Unfortunately, despite finals weeks being over, I won't be able to post for a while. Tomorrow, I'm leaving for a week long backpacking trip in the Ozarks, directly followed by a month long trip to Honduras. So sad for you all. Wish me luck, and I'll see you in a month!

Water Day

Day 61

Today, I saved water for the coming apocalypse. Be warned, I explain this in great detail. If you aren't the type of person who is either interested in this kind of thing, or has nothing better to do with your time, I might just read the end of this paragraph and move on with my day. Here's what I did: I filled up all of my water bottles. Now here's the long version.

While I have significant doubts about the "coming" part, I have to admit that I've considered the apocalyptic scenario on several occasions. The book is right- water would be one of the most valuable resources, as the average human can survive about three days without water (it's the law of threes. Three minutes without air [though I've heard up to 10 is possible], three hours at without shelter/warmth [depending largely on the weather] and three weeks without food. Seeing as I can build a shelter out of the majority of post-apocalyptic materials (including sticks and grass), and assuming air is in good supply, water is the most valuable resource to have. Speaking of the law of threes, a human that gets a fair amount of exercise requires about 3 liters of water each day. Significant amounts of exercise (which I would assume would be needed after the apocalypse) requires 4, but can even jump to 6 under hot conditions or a great deal of exercise. How much do you drink each day? Right now, straiten out your finger and pinch the skin on your knuckle. If it doesn't return to its original position immediately, you are dehydrated. Something else to note: Pain is designed to tell us that something is wrong. Even a slight amount of pain usually means that something has damaged us in some way (though it can occasionally be beneficial, for example working out). Think of thirst as equivalent to pain. Being thirsty is not a good feeling, and is therefor designed to tell us that something is wrong (usually that we are not drinking enough water). If you are thirsty, you are dehydrated. Basically, my point here is drink water! 

Back to the (original) point, though. Seeing as water is a very valuable resource, I would need a lot of it. Unfortunately, water is also very heavy, and assuming I want mobility, I can't carry much. I decided to fill up all of my water bottles (6.5 liters in total), and, in the case of an apocalypse, I would line my waterproof day-pack with plastic, and use the entire thing to store water (I'm guessing that would hold about 2 gallons). I can always put that on my front, and carry the rest of my gear on my back. I consider myself prepared.

PS. I also have a big knife to threaten people into giving me their water.

Poetry Day #2

Day 60

I was considering not posting today, as I'm very tired and still have a great deal of homework to finish. That being said, I thought I might as well just let you know that I memorized a poem today- the very same one that I wrote two days ago. Yay for me!

There Is No Explination...

...for why this post is like this.

Day 59
See above.

World Record Day

Day 58

Today, I broke a world record. I wasn't one of those lame-asses who just try to break world records, but don't. No, today, I really and truly broke a world record (to the best of my knowledge). I decided that in order to do this, I would have to attempt something that no one else has ever had the bravery to try. I decided to go for the fastest recitation of the following limerick:

I once had a roommate named Jarrett
He was rather like a big carrot
I like both, but I like Jarrett the most
If I said this again, I'd be like a parrot


I'm about 99% sure that the above is an original piece of writing. Therefor, nobody had that bravery to even attempt writing it, let alone saying it really fast. Who's the boss

Circular Day

Day 57

The book, explaining the various mystical powers of circles, directed me to draw circles everywhere I habitually go. On this small campus, I habitually go very many places. I picked the on where I spend the most time (including sleep), which is my room. I made a circle of books on my bed, and did my chemistry homework cross-legged in the center. I understood all but two of the twenty or so problems I did. Perhaps there is actually some mystical power these circles possess. I should try this kind of thing more often, though maybe next time I should make it out of candles, and make a sacrifice or something.

Symmetry Day

Day 56

I refused to participate in today's task. I was supposed to figure out how symmetrical my face is. First of all, it involved what appeared to be a great deal of math, which I'm doing enough of these days. Second, I believe that in this culture, there is far to much emphasis on people's flaws. It's capitalism, I suppose. The more flaws people think they have, the more products they'll buy to fix them. Too many times though, I hear a beautiful girl complain about her looks, or see someone (myself included) criticize someone's looks, when they're honestly attractive, doing fine. The less focus on our flaws we have the better. I'll consider this doing my part for the day (as well as not doing math).

Pizza Day

Day 55

Today, I was instructed to order an impossible pizza. This was a very easy task. At school here, we very, very rarely get pizza (especially after the resignation of one of our wonderful cooks). I'd average it out to be maybe one pizza every two and a half months. Therefor, I simply told Irving (one of our main, and also wonderful cooks) "make me a pizza." He responded saying something to the effect of "No, but maybe I will some other time." That was good enough for me.

Telepathy Day

Day 54

There was one flaw in my previous post. When I talked about possibly passing telepathy on to my future children, I missed one crucial detail: do I actually have the telepathy? Fortunately, today I got to find out. I started small, by trying to move tiny pieces of paper, crumbs, and the hands of the clock. When that didn't work, I started moving to bigger things, such as chairs, or people. I concentrated very hard on using whatever force I could summon to move these various objects, however if was to no avail. I tried a different tactic. It seems that telepathy can not only refer to moving object with one's mind, but also communicating with another person. After giving small tasks in my head to those sitting near me failed, I decided that my telepathic abilities must be dormant. I'll try again next year.

In What, Two or Three Years?

Day 53

"Decide what skills to pass on in your family." 

Originally I thought I could pass on something cool, like infiltrating enemy lines (whatever that entails), or telepathy. Perhaps though I should honor tradition, and pass on something that has been in the family for at least two generations, such as burbling (tilting your head back, placing a frozen pea on your pursed lips, then blowing gently, creating the effect that the pea is hovering above your mouth), or making bad puns. I could always do something practical like the ability to type quickly, or speak English. That sounds rather dull though. I think I'd rather go with the burbling.

Combination Day(s)!

Days 51 and 52

I've been lagging behind in terms of blog posts. I've been running two or three days ahead of myself, which isn't really working out very well. Therefore, I must do a combination post tonight, in which I detail the events of the past three days.
Day 51: I was supposed to live the metal lifestyle. I had little access to anything but music, so I listened to some Metallica, and called it quits.
Day 52: I had to eat a food that scares me. Again, do to my location, I couldn't walk into a store and buy bull testicles or a pig's hoof. However, my friend Caleb cooked lunch, and that was scary enough for me.

Pancake Day

Day 50

First off, I would like to apologize for two things:
1. I have not been posting every day. My schedule was messed up by going to Florida, but hopefully now that I'm back at school (for just one more month!), I'll be better about it
2. Some of my posts suck. I've not been spending nearly as much time on them as I have in the past. Again, sorry.

Fortunately for me, today was pancake day. I did not actually eat a pancake, however i decided that if this book was ever printed in french, day 50 would be "Crepe Day." I ate a crepe at Ihop. Not my usual choice for meals, but with limited resources, what can one do. Comparing it to a french crepe would be like comparing apples and oranges. Actually, that's not true. Apples and oranges have so many similarities. They're both fruits, they're both round, they're similar sizes, they grow on trees- the list could go on and on. It's more like comparing a well shaped club to the atomic bomb. That being said, the crepe wasn't terrible.

Admitting Emissions

Day 49

Today, I counted each of my, shall we say, emissions to discover... how many there were? I'm not really sure beyond that. The great thing about counting one's farts is that unless you hit the average number per day exactly, you win both ways. If you are below average, then good for you, the world is a slightly less stinky place because of you. If you are above average, then well, you are above average at yet another skill! Congratulations.
The number of emissions one emits per day is controversial. I've heard anywhere from 4-14. I went by what the book told me, as nine for the male average. I finished the day just below average, at 8. So sad for me.

Junk Mail Day?

Day 48

I don't get junk mail. Sorry.

The Meaning of Life

Day 47

Today, I googled "Life" to figure out the meaning of it. I got distracted, because I clicked on Life Magazine, and looked at photos for a while. I had trouble finding a definition, so I narrowed my search by adding the word "definition." I got a lot:

• a characteristic state or mode of living; "social life"; "city life"; "real life"
• the experience of being alive; the course of human events and activities; "he could no longer cope with the complexities of life"
• the course of existence of an individual; the actions and events that occur in living; "he hoped for a new life in Australia"; "he wanted to live his own life without interference from others"
• animation: the condition of living or the state of being alive; "while there's life there's hope"; "life depends on many chemical and physical processes"
• the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death); "the battery had a short life"; "he lived a long and happy life"
• the period between birth and the present time; "I have known him all his life"
• the period from the present until death; "he appointed himself emperor for life"
• a living person; "his heroism saved a life"
• liveliness: animation and energy in action or expression; "it was a heavy play and the actors tried in vain to give life to it"
• living things collectively; "the oceans are teeming with life"
• the organic phenomenon that distinguishes living organisms from nonliving ones; "there is no life on the moon"
• biography: an account of the series of events making up a person's life
• a motive for living; "pottery was his life"

Now I See You... Now I Don't

Day 46

Today, I was blind. I didn’t make it all day.

I began in a crowded street, which probably wasn’t a good idea, however I had my friend to guide me through, so I felt alright about it. As soon as I closed my eyes, I was struck by the fear of running into something large and metal. If not that, maybe running into a person, or perhaps falling off of a conveniently placed cliff. At first I was too shocked by the change to be aware of anything around me, but as time went by, I began to use my sense of hearing much more than usual. It became more difficult when my friend got bored with leading me around, and started to juggle while walking away very fast. He led me into a gift shop, and I opened my eyes. While I’m sure it would have been very interesting to be blind for the whole day, and really rely on my other senses to get around (except perhaps taste), I decided that the ten minutes of blindness that I experienced was enough for the time being, seeing as I’m in Florida at the moment.

Notice This Post!

Day 45

Today, I was supposed to make people notice me. I did.

The book gave various suggestions, such as “Glue a spatula under your arm,” or “Wear a crown.”  I had neither glue, nor a crown, though, so I decided to improvise. It actually came around by accident. We were at the pool (because we’re still in Florida), and two of the three friends I have with me and I decided to leave. We yelled across the pool to Tremayne, the third friend and took his shoes for him, so he wouldn’t have to go all the way back to where we were sitting. What kind intentions we had. I was elected to carry the shoes, and I toyed out loud with the idea of throwing them in the hot tub. I decided that that would be mean though, and as we began to walk under the overhang-roof, I tossed them up there. What was I thinking? I have absolutely no idea. I’m pretty sure that I actually wasn’t thinking anything. Whatever the reasons my subconscious decided to direct my arm to fling Tremayne’s shoes onto the roof, the fact remained that his shoes were up there, and I had no way of getting them down. He walked up to me, accompanied by my mother, and I explained the situation to them. We attempted several methods of retrieval, including climbing on each other’s shoulders, climbing onto a fake rock, and steeling the pool net. Unfortunately, none of these proved successful. My mother tried several times to ask the maintenance staff for help, but was stopped by yours truly. There was no way I was going to let anyone but me get these shoes down. Just as I was running out of ideas, I saw something. A family open a door, and step out onto a balcony which was placed very conveniently above the roof.

“I have an idea!” I said, as I ran inside the building. I walked briskly up the stairs until I got to the balcony. The family had disappeared, so I opened the door, and stepped out. I could see Tremayne’s shoes maybe 20 yards away from me. Unfortunately, there was a woman talking on her phone, gazing out of her window, directly at me. I nodded at her, tied on my invisible super-hero cape, and walked across the roof. Seconds later, I triumphantly picked up Tremayne’s shoes, and tossed them down to him. After my mother signaled the all-clear, I jumped down, and walked into the building, passing the security guard on the way. She grinned at us.

First Impressions

Day 44

I’m in Florida!  I apologize for not posting the last few days, but internet access is very difficult to procure here. That’s alright though, because there are giraffes right outside my balcony. No, really, there are.

Today I found out someone’s first impression of me.

I spent a while wandering around, looking for just the right person to ask, however, this was difficult. Most people were with their families, and I thought that they would have trouble being honest with me if their families were around. My friends and I sat down for a while, and I decided to call one of my other friends back home. Misha took the phone from me, so I took his, and called someone in his contacts I didn’t know. She picked up, and I explained that I wasn’t actually Misha, however we could still talk. She agreed, and after a bit I realized that I could use this opportunity to ask her for her first impression of me. She said that it was inherently strange, seeing as I was calling her on my friend’s phone and I didn’t know her and all, so that was alright with me. We had an interesting (or at least entertaining) conversation for a while, however there is only so much you can say to someone you don’t know. We said goodbye, and my friends and I proceeded to get lost down the hallways of the hotel for a while. The hallways are really long.

Sheep Day

Day 43

Today, I plan to count sheep on the way to sleep. I was doing homework until 3 last night, so I imagine that I'll probably only get to 4 or 5 sheep before I lose consciousness. I have counted sheep on two occasions previously, and it worked very well the first time, but not quite as well the second time (I kept getting distracted by other thoughts). I'll let you know how it works.

Birthday Day

Day 42

Today, I was directed to either write down my friends' birthdays so I don't forget them, or if I'm too lazy to do that, come up with an excuse for missing them. Though I was tempted to do the first option, I had already used up my allotted non-laziness for the day (yes, there is a finite amount), so I decided the second one would be the best. So friends, if I ever miss any of your birthdays, it is because I have been detained by the enemy. Please take the appropriate measures.

Compliment Day #2

Day 41

Today, I invented an entirely new compliment. This was difficult because it had to be both a compliment, and original, which is made much harder by people like Shakespeare and other people who write about love and crap like that. I'm pretty sure any compliment that would actually be taken as a strait compliment, and not anything else, has already been said. If not by poets and such, by the other people who've gotten to day 41 before me, so I figured I could go one of several routs:
Kind, yet complicated: Your hair blossoms like a winter lily on the side of a chateau.
Weird: You are the most elephanty person I have ever met. Your wrinkly gray skin can protect against mosquitoes like no one else I know.
Questionable: You have the claws of a tiger in your bosom, lying in wait to relinquish your fierce passion.
Conditional: You're the smartest person I'm talking to right now.
Comparison: You're better at eating cereal than all of the other Jacobs I know.
Cultural Acceptance: 哇，你居然翻译这个！干得好。你也有太多的空余时间。这算作一种恭维，因为我说好。
Obscure: You are so very adiaphorous, and you're probably the most leptorrhine person I know.
(Very) Rural: Yall looks like nut butter on a fresh-fry june-papper-bug-thang!

Let me know which one you prefer.  


P.S. I live in rural Wisconsin.

Superstition Day

Day 40

Today, I defied superstition. My task was to engage in various activities that those who are superstitious would tend to avoid, such as walking under a ladder, opening an umbrella indoors, or breaking a mirror. I am not a very superstitious person and I try to defy any superstitions I do have on a daily basis. Today was difficult simply because I found very few opportunities to do this. There were no ladders to walk under, breaking a mirror could get me suspended, and, though it was raining, I could not for the life of me find anyone with an umbrella. While Aaron managed to locate a black cat, the only opportunities I had for defying superstition were to spill salt without throwing it over my left shoulder (which, I'll admit, hurt a little- I think it was the first superstition I learned), and to whistle indoors (which I didn't know was associated with superstition until today). Nothing bad has happened to me yet- we'll just have to wait and see.

Forgetfulness day

Day 39

I kinda forgot about today (or, yesterday). I was supposed to keep a "proper" journal. Here is my recollection of yesterday:
Yesterday, I got stressed out about final projects, and getting my math in on time, and I was reunited with Courtney, a fabulous teacher from my freshman year. I hung out in the kitchen for a while at night with some friends.

See, this is why I need this book. Other than seeing Courtney, that's pretty much how my day goes everyday. Adding a bit of unconventionality into my life is a necessity.

The Grass is Always Greener

Day 38

Today, I walked on the grass with bare feet.

Though I would certainly characterize myself as an “outdoorsy” kind of person, I rarely take me shoes off when I’m outside. This could be attributed to an irrational fear of stepping on rusty, AIDS-infected hypodermic needles, I believe it is simply the lack of thought on my part that leaves my feet caged in shoes. I pretty much just never remember to take them off.

Today was different, though. Having been directed to by the book, I removed my shoes and stepped from the sidewalk to the grass. I walked in it for a while, scrunching my toes up around clumps of it. It was rather cold still, so there wasn’t a whole lot of green grass, however it was nice to feel what was there.

I'm Too Lazy to Think of A Pun

Day 37

Today would have been a great opportunity to make a pun by substituting the word "knight" for "night." However, I am rather tired and have had a lazy day, and I don't expect that to change in the near future. Dad, if you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments (beware, however, that if I am ever captured by enemy spies, they could use them as a method of torture).

I applied for knighthood today. I wrote an email to the authorities of England saying the following:

It is my wish to become officially recognized as a knight. I already possess at least three certificates of knighthood from several Renaissance fairs, however I suspect these have expired by now, and, given my situation (which I can explain in more depth in person*), I expect you shall have no trouble knighting me this coming summer. Please contact me promptly at the following address:
[my address]
Greatest thanks,
-Nicholas Tippins

My strategy in writing this letter was to make them feel like I am their superior by saying things such as "I expect," "It is my wish," and "contact me promptly," therefor subconsciously creating a need within them to please me. Though I have considerable doubts about this plan, it's certainly worth a shot.

*This gives me time to think of an appropriate situation

The Little Things

Day 36

"Today, give little tasks to the people around you."

Today was not hard. In fact, it was actually rather of fun. I was directed to give about 40 different small tasks to people, including "Taste my food for poison," and "Next time you see me, pretend like we've never met." I got a few strange looks when I asked someone to hold my hand as I crossed the sidewalk, and I confused my friend when I asked her to buy me lunch (something that my tuition has already paid for). My roommate greeted me with a bow, and Misha agreed to wake me up if I started to snore (during my chemistry test). I was rejected on two accounts, with the requests "Be my slave for a day" and "Sleep with me," though neither recipient of these requests gave them a second thought. Perhaps that says something about me.

Jag är inte död!

Day 35

I'm back! I am not dead (contrary to popular belief), though I did have a nasty bought with strep throat last week, hence my absence. The first thing I did after I got better was of course learn Swedish. Aaron and I asked around, and found that there are at least two people in my school who speak Swedish. They both know how to say 'hello,' however only one knew how to say 'how are you?' I decided to supplement my education with some handy phrases provided by the book, such as "There is a smurf buried in my butter," "You are a sausage," "My contact lens fell into that volcano on the right," and of course, the always useful phrase "There are a bunch of daffodils on the rampage." I imagine that I should also learn these phrases in French and Spanish, as these are fairly common situations, and I would not want to be stranded in a strange country without the ability to say these basic things. Perhaps I should think ahead, and learn "The palms of my feet are constructing portals for you while you sleep," In Chinese.

Sick Day(s)

Sick days number 2 and 3

I was planning on telling you I was sick yesterday, but I totally forgot to. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact I went to bed at 7. I'm guessing I'll be sick for a while longer, but I will be sure to post as soon as I am able.

Religion Day

Day 34

Today, I had to spend some time in a church. The closest thing to a church we have on campus is the Meeting House, the place where we go to sit in silence for 15 minutes every morning. This is a Quaker practice (my school is Quaker, which, contrary to popular belief, is a religion as well as an oatmeal), and, other than Quaker values (which pretty much anyone with moral integrity can at least relate to), it is the only religious practice that is pressed upon us. In collection (the 15 minutes of silence), we may worship anything or practice any religion, or contemplate the ins and outs of life (which could arguably have the same effect/significance of religion). This morning I speculated about various techniques of not falling asleep, I contemplated the meaning of sleep, and pondered various ways to increase the amount of sleep I get. While many times I find myself thinking about the deeper areas of life, just as much I think about sleep, food, and other things I don't get enough of (however will I reach Self-actualization?).
 
PS. My friend Misha finds it very important that I let you know that I did not get off scott-free yesterday. I was in fact presented with an ethical dilemma. I had the pleasure of dining with him and his girlfriend Rachel, and, as the meal neared its end, I left them all alone to perish in their loneliness (together).

Dining and Dashing

Day 33

Seeing as I'm at a boarding school, and tuition pays for all of my food, today doesn't actually present an ethical dilemma. I decided that simply leaving dinner early (before announcements, after which we are officially permitted to leave) would suffice.

Amnesty International Day

Day 32

Today, I was supposed to write a letter to a dictator urging him or her to stop torture. The barbed-wire-wrapped candle implied Amnesty International was involved, so I decided to accomplish this through them. The great thing about sending emails to dictators and such through Amnesty International is that you don't really have to do anything. They give you a nice pre-written email, and all you have to do is sign in and send click "send." Yes, it would be better to write an email myself, but in any case other than today, I would put it off until the day after I die. I didn't do exactly as directed- I sent an email to our own president, who is not technically a dictator. However, the United States being a country with a great deal of power and all, I decided to start locally, and email Obama. The message detailed the fact that countering terrorism with torture is pretty much just a big pile of crap. I liked what it said, and the way it was written (a tad more eloquently than my summary), so I sent it.

Paranormal Day

Day 31

Today, I kept an eye out for the paranormal. While I saw no ghosts, nor was I slapped by an invisible hand, I did have an experience that convinced me (for the day) that there is a government conspiracy against me.

Towards the end of the day, I did not feel like I had seen enough paranormal activity. What better place to be, then, than the graveyard during the full moon? Several of my friends and I walked out to the graveyard, mostly because it was a nice night, though I had the additional motive of hoping the dead would rise. Though my friend's "Hipster dance" did make her appear possessed, that was the extent of the para-normality that the graveyard had to offer. We decided to walk out to the bridge and watch the cars pass under us for a while. It was quite an enjoyable experience. A mix of contemplation and elation accompanied by high fives whenever a semi honked at us. The lights of the cars spread out over such a distance could actually be described as pretty. Not nearly as pretty as the red and blue lights behind us, though. Wait, where were those coming from? Yes, there was a police car pulling up behind us. We greeted him politely, though dazed. This was not something we had planned for the evening. He asked us what we were doing, and informed us that we were actually not simply looking at the cars, and that we were in fact throwing things. We explained that we were in actuality watching the cars and the moon, though it is possible that some of the gravel from the road may have been disturbed by our feet and thus plummeted down to the highway as the reports suggested. We seemed to sort out the matter well, and I was feeling confident about the state of our toes (one of us happened to be wearing sandals- in February), until a second police car pulled up.

We repeated the information to the second officer, and just as we finished, another car ambled down the road towards us, pulled over, and the two policemen inside got out. We were now detained by four police officers. One for each of us. The entire process was done with civility and respect on both sides, however, today being the day that it is, I have no option but to believe that these were no mere police officers.

Here is my theory:

The government has recognized that I am too intelligent for them, and will be likely to overthrow them and institute a better form of government (any suggestions?) in my future years. It is now their goal to build up a "crime" record for me in order to frame me for a crime I did not commit, thereby incarcerating me for the remainder of my life. The did, of course, send elite CIA operatives to accomplish this mission.

PS. Last night, I had a dream in which all of my friends were about 4 feet tall. No hedgehogs, though, nor airplanes. I'll have to try harder next time.

I Had the Strangest Dream...

Day 30

"Frued postulated that dreams are essentially the recombined elements of things that had effected us during the day. Today, think very hard about these three things and see if they crop up in your dreams tonight."
What are the three things? An airplane, a hedgehog, and a midget.
I spent most of chemistry class thinking about these things, and then decided to really get these things into my head by google-imaging them. Speaking of googleing things, I learned that "googlar" means "to google" in spanish class today.
Anyways, I looked intently at pictures of airplanes and midgets for a while, then moved onto hedgehogs. I have two things to say about hedgehogs. First of all, they are very cute. Second of all, it seems that people are rather obsessed with making "hedgehog cakes". It's the first suggestion it gives me when I type in "hedgehog." I thought that this could probably mean one of a few things. The obvious meaning would be a cake made of hedgehogs, however I'm not quite sure why several million people would search for images of this. Other than that, I suppose people could take after the medieval ages and put a live hedgehog (rather than a bird) inside a cake, only to have it pop out for the king's entertainment, though that's probably against some health code. The only remaining option (that I could think of) is that people make cakes intended to look like hedgehogs. A cake shaped like a hedgehog is kind of like a combination between calculus and Inception. The first because I don't understand it, and the second because there is no way I would ever come up with the original idea to make it.
I'm not sure how my dreams will go tonight, but I'll be sure to let you know tomorrow.

Nauru Day

Day 29

Today, I learned about Nauru. For those of you who don’t know, Nauru is one of the smallest countries in the world. It is an island spanning little more than eight miles across, containing roughly 9,267 people. My task today was to write a letter to the president of Nauru. Probably the best part about it is that his email address is the.president@naurugov.nr  the.president. how beast is that. Here’s what I wrote:

Mr. President,

Hello,

Until yesterday, I was not aware that your country even existed. However, upon learning more about it, I have come to the conclusion that I both enjoy the idea of it, and would love to visit it sometime. I am sure your people would be very welcoming.

Thank you for your time.

Here's what Aaron wrote:

Mr. President,

I have recently learned of your beautiful country, and am writing to express that I am excited to know of your amazing country. Thank you for being a really swell guy.

Ignore This Post

Day 28

Yesterday's task was to ignore that day. I didn't really know how to do that, but by the end of the day, as I looked back on it, all I did was what I was supposed to: Class, homework, work crews. In a month- even a week, I'll have pretty much forgotten about it. I think I did a pretty good job of ignoring yesterday.

Return/Another One?

Day 27

   I have returned! More importantly for you however, I have also started following my tasks again. I started right where I left off- day 27. 

   Despite its humor, I groaned as I turned to today's task- another prank call. While I enjoy a well thought out and executed prank call now and again, this is my third one in just over a month, and it seems a bit excessive. Isn't it time to give the people of America a break for a while? And when I say America, I mean it- or at least the United States part of it. I have now prank called each coast, as well as the middle of the US. 

   I chose California for two reasons. First because it's in a different time zone, and it was already a quarter past ten when I began, and secondly because it's very big population wise, which makes it less likely that I will end up calling someone I know (It's like a 5 in 36,961,664 chance). I searched for the California phone book on google, and picked Oakland as a more specific place, because my good friend lives there (which I guess defeats much of the purpose of choosing California in the first place). After I got the area code for that region, I realized I could have just looked up my friend's phone number on my phone. 

   The website I was on was very helpful. It even gave me the "top prefixes" in use, and the "most popular numbers searched," which greatly increased my chances of actually getting a person. The book did say to dial a random number, but I felt like I should get some idea of an area code. I randomized the last four digits of the phone number, and got someone on the first try. 

   At this point I was already feeling rather bad about prank-calling a random family. I think it was a child who answered- the connection was bad, so I couldn't hear very well. It took him about five minutes of phone-to-the-chest conversation before he managed to connect me with someone whose voice sounded like it belonged to the father. They were definitely speaking another language (not spanish), which only helped with the image in my mind of a poor immigrant family trying to enjoy dinner- a rare time when all of them gathered together after a long day's work. I was, of course, the antagonist in any story I concocted around this family, breaking apart their time together, and shattering their joy with my heartless humor.

   I looked down at the book in my lap, and as directed, proceeded to read the script in a deep southern accent. I couldn't decide whether it was disturbing or boring- it was basically a lot of hardcore evangelical christian text. Religion, especially when stating one's opinion about it on the world wide web, is a touchy subject. I don't have anything against religion overall. Well actually, I am against how it has been (and is being) used in some cases, and I certainly have qualms with the way many sects of all types of religions are operating, but I think religion has also done plenty of good in the world. However it is hard for me to be open to the more hardcore religious beliefs- beliefs which this script embodied rather thoroughly. 

   Despite my apprehension about it, I began to read the tiny words in front of me, wishing he would hang up before I had a chance to read too much. Really wishing that he didn't agree with everything I was saying. It seems though, that despite what I was doing, the universe was on my side, and as i neared the end of the first paragraph, I heard the little "beep-boop" that signified the call had been terminated. Thank god I thought ironically.

Affirmative/Negative

Day 26

Today, I attempted to avoid saying the words yes and no. Yes, I just added another three to my list today, but that's not a whole lot considering my miserable failure during the rest of the day as well. Luckily for me, the book (or its authors) anticipated this, and directed me to follow these directions for as long as I could, rather than all day with no exceptions. I think I lasted about ten minutes, though that number is disputed among my friends and acquaintances.
In other news, I'm going on a cross-country ski trip for the next week or so in a place without internet, so I won't be able to post until 8 or 9 days from now. Sad, I know- how else will you keep yourselves entertained? Be it known that I am not liable for panic attacks induced by blog withdrawal.
See you all (kind of) next week.

Reincarnation Day

Day 25

So, I'm quite tired, and I have a test tomorrow, so I'll make this quick. I had to choose what I want to be reincarnated as. My choices ranged from a multitude of animals (including dinosaurs) to a violin, a hot girl, or an American flag. Eventually, I chose to be an astronaut. I figure that's probably a pretty exciting job. Better than a rocking horse anyhow.

Things I Will Never Do Before I Die

Day 24

The directions, to check off each of the boxes in order to come to terms with the fact that I will never accomplish its respective task in my lifetime, were written in small print at the top of the page. The rest of it was filled with several seemingly endless rows of things I will probably never do. Everything from climbing Mount Everest or saving the world to using a semicolon or compromising. I went through them one by one, checking off most of them. No, I'll probably never learn Italian, nor will I go to a drive in cinema or invent a cookie. As much as I would like to do these things, I probably never will. Others were easier to part with. I was fine checking the boxes next to "Contract an STD" "Shoot the last buffalo" or "Ride a Harley." Some I had already accomplished, though they weren't nearly as interesting as many of the others. There were a few that I refused to check, however. I plan to write a novel at some point in my life, I certainly mean to ride a camel as well as run for my life, and I even intend to "volunteer for a dangerous mission" (I don't really know what that means, but I'm pretty sure it only happens in movies). I believe that today has helped me focus my life goals in a more, yet simultaneously less, realistic way. Really, all it did was cut out some old ideas and put a bunch of new ones right back in. Many of them are really quite interesting- if you're ever bored, try to complete some of these.

Barter Day

Day 23

Today there was a blizzard. That didn't actually have anything to do with the book, but it played a major role in my day, so I thought it was worth mentioning. Other than the blizzard, I bartered with people to get what I want rather than paying them. The problem is that I don't really pay anybody for anything on a normal day. In fact, tuition covers pretty much all of my needs day to day. There wasn't much difficulty finding something to barter for, though. That blizzard I mentioned? I traded a pop-tart for the chance to wrestle an acquaintance in the 5 ft drifts of the blizzard. I figured my task was more or less completed for the day, and proceeded to enjoy the weather for the rest of the night.

Plastic Surgery Day

Day 22

Everybody could use a little improvement, right? I was supposed to visit a plastic surgery clinic and make a no-obligations appointment or something of that nature. Seeing as I cannot do this in my current situation (being at a boarding school, that is), I decided that calling a clinic would have to suffice. I was able to find a one open past five, and called with absolutely no idea what to say. At least when I was talking to the travel agent, I was interested in travel. However I happen to quite like the way I look, and even if I didn't I don't really like the idea of becoming fake. The woman who answered was much better at her job than Kelly of the travel agency (I do, of course, give Kelly credit for dealing with me). She talked clearly, in a very professional manner, and sounded kind of like she wanted me off the phone (which was probably true). I started out with the basics, asking if they did "plastic surgery-y stuff." She responded with an answer that was much more in-depth than it needed to be, so I proceeded to ask about various aspects of my body. While they can give me breasts, they cannot add other appendages, however they can make me look uglier if I really want to. We talked 'seriously' (or at least I gave the appearance of doing so) for a while, but I think she realized I wasn't actually planning any nips or tugs when I asked her if my face could be constructed into the exact likeness of a popular political figure. She must get more of these types of calls than Kelly, because she knew how to blow me off. She gave me the name of the website, and, leaving nothing else for me to say, we bade each other goodnight.

In Ten Years Time

Day 2

Meet Aaron: 2:00 am, 7^th January, 2020, on the peak of Mt Hood, Portaland OR

Wear: Agressor Parka and Knee High orange socks

Talk about: Caleb, Misha, Scattergood, Minecraft, Sophia Walling-Bell, Barack Obama, Acne, College

 

So that'd be pretty sweet if it happened. Providing I don't forget, I'm sure I'll have retained at least a bit of my less-than-sanity to do it. Damn, though. Where will I be in ten years...? I really have no idea. I could be anywhere from married with a small child to just starting off my career in psychology or travel writing. Or of course, I could be somewhere completely different. And I want to see where Aaron is then too. I want to know that about all my friends. It doesn't seem that long, but a whole lot can happen. I guess that's obvious, but thinking about it's kind of wack.
This seems like a really good subject to write about, but I'm really tired, so I think I'm just going to go to sleep.

Patriotism Day

Day 20

Today, I became patriotic. Well, I got to choose a country to feel patriotic about- the US wasn't one of my choices (would I have chosen it if it was?), so I of course opted for France. 

Pros: Great food, Pretty country, pretty language, pretty people, pretty cool, good food, good  governmental support systems, really good food.

Cons: All of my good friends are in the US...

I don't really have to move there to be patriotic, though, do I? Several definitions I found pretty much talked about being "inspired by love for one's country." So do I have to live there to make it my country? I don't know. I guess since my only options are places I don't live, I don't really have a choice. 

Vive La France!

Poetry Day

Day 19

Today is Poetry Day. I'm supposed to write a single line in iambic pentameter, and send it into the website. Sound familiar? That's because day nine was also an advertisement. I guess I can understand one, but two? At least this one involves me actually doing something, I guess. I choose to look at it as simply poetry day, and not worry about sending it into the website. Here is my line:

Today is advertisement day again.

To be read like this:

toDAY is ADverTISEment DAY aGAIN

I think that's how it works, anyways. I took a poetry class last year, so I kinda remember that. Wikipedia helped too.

I Could Tell You...

Day 18

...but then I'd have to kill you.

Yes, today I was a secret agent. I did many secretive things that, but as the title says, I can't tell you about them. However I can tell you that this book thinks I have much more free time than I actually do. First it tells me to do something during my lunch break, now it tells me to wave at a gray car at 1:00? I don't have a lunch break, and I have crew at 1:00. So I didn't manage to accomplish that. Probably one of the most difficult things I've done so far, however, was the final task of the day: eating the piece of paper where my secret tasks were written. I was somewhat saved by the fact Aaron had joined me on my adventure, meaning we had to split the paper in half to eat it. But god, it was terrible. I felt the ink seeping down my throat as I chewed this soggy ball of impossible that refused to be torn apart. I have a new-found respect for the structural integrity of paper. And it tasted like burning poison mixed with garbage juice, but worse. We eventually downed it in about four pieces with water, like a pill. It was one of the most disgusting things I've consumed so far in my life, not only because it tasted so awful, but because I kept thinking about all the ink and chemicals in it. My whole body tasted bad afterwords.

You don't think eating paper is bad at all, I know- neither did I. but try eating half of an extra-thick extra-strong, ink covered page. Even just grab something with ink on it from the recycling bin or something, I'm sure you will at least begin to appreciate the difficulty of it. Or don't. If it's not clear from the above descriptions, I would actually not advise eating paper.

Day of the Dead

Day 17

Today is "Kill Something Day." Apart from any ethical implications, this was physically hard to accomplish. It's not that I don't have the strength to squash a bug, but rather finding a bug or other live non-human in the middle of an Iowa winter is kind of like trying to find a needle in a haystack, except the haystack is in Australia, and all you have to work with is a magnifying glass and a pair of your grandmother's tweezers. You know how people say that you're never more than three feet away from a spider or whatever? Not true in the slightest. In short, I couldn't find one. I searched casually for most of the day, but went on a legitimate hunt through the dorm as I began to become tired. I still didn't manage to turn up anything though. I recalled a conversation I had in which someone mentioned that I probably didn't necessarily have to have to kill an animate object. I could perhaps kill a plant or something. I thought that this was kind of cheating, but with no other alternative, I went on a plant hunt through the dorm. I now know that other than humans, absolutely nothing has the capacity to live here. I briefly thought that maybe I could just pick a leaf off of the tree outside, but I realized, of course, that it is still winter. With no other options left, I decided to target myself. Well, my skin cells. I guess they're a living part of me, though I'm not entirely sure. Whatever the case may be, I scraped my index finger with my nail, and washed away the cells with soap. I figure that probably got a few hundred of them, though I'm not basing that off of actual knowledge. I was worried I wouldn't be able to complete today's task at all, so I suppose this is better than nothing.

Día del Dedo

Day 16

Today, I discretely gave everyone the finger. The middle one, more specifically. Have you ever scratched your nose with your middle finger? I did similar things all day (by the end I was getting quite creative) with the intention of throwing he birdie. This task was quite enjoyable. I would challenge myself to try to make it as obvious as possible without anybody noticing. A few people did notice- I hope they didn't think I was actually flipping them off- but for the most part, I was successful. It was rather fun to give the finger to people (mostly staff members) I would never even swear around, and even more fun to flip off my friends. Aaron and I waved a each-other at one point (I'll let your imagination do the rest of the work). Overall, today was one of the more fun days.

Coming Out Day

Day 15

Today, I came out of the closet. Of course I only did it because the book told me to (wow, reading that sentence out of context makes me sound insane), but it was still pretty much the same. Now I would think that all I would have to do is come out- that's a pretty monuments task for a lot of people (made less so for me by the fact that tomorrow I won't be gay, I suppose). But no, I was given a timetable of tasks to accomplish, most of which I didn't do until two or three hours after I was supposed to. I began by brushing up against people of the same sex. I live in a dorm with a bunch of guys who are pretty close. We sit five or six people to a couch frequently, so needless to say, this wasn't a problem for anyone. Next, I began flirting with people (of the same sex of course). This wasn't actually all that strange either, cause like I said- we're pretty close. Following that, however, things became more complicated. My task was to send out a mass email to all my co-workers (or fellow students, in my case), telling them that I was gay. I wrote the email pretty quickly, but it took me a while to send it. I wasn't nervous about the whole saying I was gay part, I was more nervous about people being offended when I told them it was a joke (which I still haven't done, by the way). I told my room-mate (who happens to be gay) about it, and he seemed amused, so I decided it was pretty safe to go ahead with it. Here's what I said (keep in mind that my friend Aaron is also completing these tasks):

Me (in an email to the entire student body): So I've been wanting to say this for a while, but I couldn't figure out how to. The thing is, I'm gay. I have been in a relationship with someone for a while now, and I'm not sure if he's ready to come out yet, but I couldn't wait. I hope you don't think differently of me. 

Aaron (in a response to everyone): It's me he's in a relationship with. I'm sorry Sophia that I've kept this a secret for so long. I'm ready to let everyone know.

 I was under the impression that people would figure out pretty quickly that it was a joke. The fact that Aaron appears to be in a successful relationship with a girl might have been something to tip people off. I suppose he did address that in his email, but still. Some did catch on pretty quickly, however it took others quite a bit longer. My favorite part was when people would start off the conversation as if they hadn't read the email. Here's a conversation I had:

Him: "Hey, what's up?"

Me: "Not much, you."
Him: "You know... not a whole lot..."

Me: "Yeah, I'm kinda tired."

Him: "Yeah, me too. So [very off-offhandedly] I was just wondering, was that email true... or... I mean, if it's true that's totally cool. Like, awesome. But I was just wondering, cause you know."

I had many similar experiences. It was ridiculous how much attention I got, after I sent out the email. Anyone who's starved for attention and wants to be noticed, try coming out of the closet. Almost immediately after hitting "send," I was peppered with emails and IMs asking if it was true. I ignored most of them. I plan to send out another email tomorrow. 

This, however, was not the end of it. There were still two tasks remaining. First, I had to casually squeeze another guy's butt. I picked one of my close friends, and slapped rather than squeezed. He ignored me and asked where the Dorm Sponsor was. Once that was over with, I still had to profess my love to someone (I was supposed to do it over a romantic dinner, but that's rather impossible here. I forgot about it until about 20 minutes ago, where I leaped into the closest bed I could find (which happened to belong to the friend whose butt I had slapped), and constructed my body into what I thought was probably the sexiest pose I could with all of my clothing still on. He began beating me (quite ironically) with the very book I intended to improve my life, and continued, adding in the occasional kick, until I got off. 

When I got up this morning, I felt kinda crappy, it being Monday and all. However, by the end, I was smiling. Today was certainly a success. 

Compliment Day

Day 14
Today was compliment day. Really, for the first half of the day, I forgot (as well as periodically throughout the second half as well.. Most of the responses I got were laughs. Some nervous, but most were simply a comment on the strangeness of my compliment (I guess it is a bit odd to say "I like your nose" to someone I haven't talked to in a while). I got some "thank you"s and a few smiles, which was nice. However, the responses that most shocked me were the hostile ones.  I'll admit that I didn't take up a whole lot of time to think up the compliments- I just commented on the first thing I noticed, but I was a bit taken aback. Overall, I would say that it didn't add to or take away from my happiness. However, it provided a bit more abnormality to my otherwise very normal day, so in that respect it was successful.

Mass Murderers

Day 13

Today, I had to write a letter to a mass murderer. The obvious first step then would be picking a mass murderer. My friend and I searched for one for a while on the internet, and after about 45 minutes of paroling through depressing pages of death counts and vivid descriptions of creatively mutilated bodies, we decided on Dennis Rader (don't look him up unless you want to become very depressed). Looking at this kind of thing is different than watching Criminal Minds. At the end of the show, I can always tell myself that the things that took place were fiction, fabricated by a group of writers sitting around an oval shaped table- but these victims are real. It's not coincidence that four people all murdered in the same night all had the same last name.
Then came the issue of the letter. What does one say to a mass murderer? Before I read about him, I thought about writing a rather compassionate letter. However, with the names of his victims haunting my vivid imagination, I have nothing but disgust for him. But telling him how wrong what he did is wouldn't really do anything- I'm sure he's been told before. The fact that he was able to do those things shows that his mind woks differently than ours, so trying to make him feel bad for what he did? Won't work. I researched the minds of serial killers for a little while, but didn't really get much. I decided that I didn't really need to put too much work into making him feel bad-- just giving him a short reminder that people hate him is enough I guess. Here is what I wrote:

Dennis Rader,
     You are a **** face. 

Surprisingly enough, that is the product of several drafts (all longer than the final version). Nothing elaborate or eloquent, but it gets the point across. I don't expect it to keep him up at night, but as long as he doesn't count it as fan mail (which, with a mind like his, is a distinct possibility), I'll feel alright. I don't have any stamps of envelopes though, so I'll have to mail it on Monday.

What's My Type?

Day 12

My options:

1. Dumb Blonde

2. Clever Brunette

3. Wild Redhead

4. Lesbian

5. Nag

6. Cold Fish

It wasn't a very difficult choice for me. I've been interested (in one way or another) in many of these choices (pretty much just numbers 2-4-- yes, lesbian is included). However, I am pretty set in my attraction to those who stimulate my mind just as much as everything else. Clever Brunette would be the obvious choice. Really, the hardest part about today was finding a pen. I tried to convince some people to go get me one for a while, but when they wouldn't, I took about ten minutes to come to terms with the fact that I would actually have to get up and get one. I looked around the room, and found a pen that my friend had stolen from me. I triumphantly plucked it from his desk, and used it to check off the little square next to Clever Brunette. Today's mission has been successfully accomplished.

Introduction Day

Day 11

I bet if I looked back at my posts, I would find that the time I posted them directly correlates to their length (the later the time, the shorter the post). I really need to get to sleep earlier.
Anyways, today's task was to introduce myself to someone I see around, but have never talked to. This is not easy in a school of around 50 students. I was going to introduce myself to the new(ish) business manager, but she looked busy, and I was really just looking for an excuse to put it off. When I was little, I didn't say 'thank you' when people complimented me because I was too shy. I've come a long way from that, but I still struggle with an intense aversion to being as outgoing as I would like to. I was stumped as to who I could target until I realized that I was going into the fencing club tonight, and I could just introduce myself to someone there. I was in a good mood following practice, because I thought I had fenced pretty well, so it didn't take much effort to walk up to someone (whose name I found out is Tal... I think) and told him that I'd never actually introduced myself. It struck me how interesting it is that pretty much all over the world, the first thing we as of anyone we meet is what their name is- something virtually insignificant in defining who that person actually is. Hm. I debated whether or not to shake his hand or not, and finally did. And that was the extent of today's adventure (unless of course you include the battle my eyelids fought against the quite formidable force of gravity while writing this).

Before Breakfast Day

Day 10

Today was one of my most difficult tasks: Do something before breakfast.

I don't know how some people live on less, but on a good day, I get about 7 hours of sleep, which isn't enough for me. This is made possible by sleeping through breakfast, which gives me an extra 40 minutes. While setting my alarm an hour before usual is bearable the night before, the morning it wakes you up, incessant beeping shattering the sweet bliss of your dreams- that is terrible. I dragged myself out of bed, read my options by the light of my cellphone, and decided that watching the sun rise would be the fastest thing to do. I shuffled over to the lounge window, still wrapped in my blanket, and caught a glimmer of the sun rising over the social studies building. That was enough for me. I set my alarm for my usual time, and promptly fell back asleep.

Advertisment day?

Day 9

Today is stupid. My task was to visit their website. I dutifully obeyed, At first I thought that I had typed in the address wrong, or that they had purposefully given me a strange website, because it appeared to be some sort of cult. However, upon further inspection, I found that it was actually the website they said it was. While much of it was written in the same clever style as the book, the majority of the site is simply made up of ploys to get me to buy their other publications. The funny thing is, if this book really does end up changing my life (and don't get me wrong, it's leading me on the right course-), they shouldn't need ploys to get me to buy the other books.

Addiction-free day

I have an addictive personality. It is because of this that I don't have many addictions. Throughout my life, I've been addicted to many things. It's simply how I operate- I find something, and latch onto it, spending as much time as I can on it. Whether it be a branch of psychology or a video game, I will spend most of my available time doing something in relation to it. It wasn't until about two years ago that I realized that this blind behavior was taking me away from things I actually want to do. I began trying to distinguish between 'healthy' and 'unhealthy' obsessions, and tried to take them all in moderation. I tell you this because my task for today was to cut out addictions, and I didn't want to seem like a pretentious bastard by saying I don't have any. The combination of hard work and the date (the fact that it's just after new year's, and therefor those pesky resolutions haven't faded into failure yet) are the only reasons the accomplishment of actually finding an addiction is an issue for me.
I wrote down a list of the things that take up most of my time. Apart from classes and homework, the other two things were chilling out with friends, and doing various things on the computer. I decided that friends were more healthy, and the computer was less, so I cut out all recreational computer use for the day.
It wasn't long before I almost slipped back into my old habit of just checking my email, and then, because I have my computer open anyways, doing twenty or so other things as well. I caught myself though, and actually talked with people instead. Here is a list of things I did in place of doing crap on the computer:

Hung out with friends
Read part of a book
Did some homework
Ate some food
Filled up my water bottle
Just kinda walked around the dorm

While not all of these things are say, productive, I believe the first three are better alternatives, and I would argue that the last one is quite productive as it gave me time to think (something very important in a busy schedule- it's amazing how little time I have for just thinking).
Honestly, it didn't make a dramatic difference in my life. But it certainly didn't hurt, and it was nice to read and chill with people.

Alone Time

Day 7 

My first blunder was telling my friend. Before lunch, he announced to pretty much everyone he could find that they should look for me at 1:53 in any place I could be alone. I accepted this as another part of the challenge, and ate lunch. My task? Difficult for me to explain, but in essence, it involves being alone for one minute at 1:53 pm, thinking about specific things. Following lunch, I complained about how I felt sick, and read for a while. In the beginning, I checked the clock about every fifteen minutes to make sure I wouldn't miss 1:53, but that became annoying, and I became lost in the pages of my book. At 1:53 exactly, I happened to check the clock again, and bolted out of the chair I was sitting in. I had meant to hide somewhere where my friends (who were now, for all intents and purposes, enemies) couldn't find me, but I had not time. I ran down to the private bathroom, watching the clock until the minute was over. Here are my thoughts:

Ooh, wow... everyone's thinking about me right now. Hm. Well.... it says I'm supposed to think about specific things, so I guess I'll do that. Aa, now everyone know what I'm thinking about. This sucks. Is the minute over yet? Oh god, someone's knocking. Wow, okay, just don't answer. Are they still there? Did they go away? I can't believe people know what I'm thinking about. Only 15 more seconds. 15 more seconds. Whew, okay, the minute's over. I wonder if anyone's right outside the door? That person who knocked probably is. I'll flush to make it sound like I was actually using the toilet. Alright... let's walk out the door now. 

There was in fact no sinister figure sent by my treacherous friend waiting for me outside. I walked back up to the lounge, and continued to read my book, no one the wiser. Until, of course, I posted the story on my blog. 

p.s. The out of order sign I put on the light switch is still there.

Being sick

Day 6

On day 6, I'm already taking my first sick day. Saddening, I know. Let's just hope I get better soon.

Out Of Order

Day 5

What did I do today? Other than going to class, I played pond hockey, watched Wrist Cutters for the first time, played tag on the chairs in the social room (I really don't know why it's called the social room, cause it's only ever used for meetings), had an insightful, feel-good, very depressing conversation, and put an Out of Order sign on a light switch. I learned from my friends later that I was being unoriginal (I guess a lot of people put Out of Order signs on light switches?), but I think it worked well enough. I sat on the couch next to the light for the next few hours, having the conversation mentioned above. At first I was worried that one of the staff members who had been hanging around would notice and figure out it wasn't actually broken, but after a while, with no one lifting an eyebrow, I relaxed. This could certainly be a commentary on people, and how they simply accept the word of authority without question, content to live in the dark. Or it could just be interesting to see how long it takes for anyone to realize it's not actually out of order. It could conserve energy, it could be stupid, or the sign could fall off. Either way, it brought just a little more enjoyment to my day.

World Coloring Day

Day 4

At first I only read the beginning of today's task, and didn't think it was very exciting. Simply color in where I've been, where I'm going this year, where I'm planning to go in my lifetime, and where I'm not going to go? Fun, but not something I can really write about. However, after I colored in the countries, I discovered exciting news: I need to talk to a travel agent. Not just any travel agent, and accredited one too (whatever that means).

I flipped through the yellow pages, until I got to the number of a toll-free travel agency. Without the slightest idea as to what I was going to say, I dialed the number (after hitting 'record' on garage band). Below is a transcription of the conversation (the name of the [very patient] agent has been changed):

"Red CarpetTravel, this is Kelly"

"Hey Kelly, how's it going?"

"Not bad, you?"

"Uh, pretty good, you know. So, you are probably able to figure this out by the fact that I'm calling a travel agency, but I want to travel somewhere."

"Alright....... Where would you- where would you like to go?"

"That's where you come in. I don't really know where I want to go per-say... you know."

"Okay... do you want Caribbean, do you want Europe, do you want Mexico?"

"Uh, do you have an all-in-one package?"

"What do you- you mean like an all-inclusive? The air, the hotel, everything?"

"Um, no... I mean like Mexico, Caribbean and Europe all at the same time."

"No."

"That sucks."

"You just have to, you know, build it, put it together yourself."

"Hm... so like, I could build my own country and put it together myself?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Oh, okay."

"If you have destinations that you want to try to put all three places in you can try to fly from one to the other."

"Okay, that might be interesting. What about New Zealand?" (I actually do want to go there- I even colored it in on the map!)

"There's flights there, yes."

"Yeah, that place looks pretty."

*Long Pause*

"I mean, I don't know what kind of vacation you're looking for."

"Um, I kind of- like if it could involve shark hunting or something, that would be ideal. But it doesn't necessarily have to be sharks. Any large sea predator would really do."

"Okaay... well, I don't know what-- like a lot of the tour companies don't do things like that. It'd have to be something where we get you there and the locals could set you up with something like... that."

"Okay."

"Like a lot of places will do like a water tour around your destination."

"That sounds interesting."

"Do you want to just stop in and get some brochures?"

"That would be lovely. Um, where are you guys?"

"We're across from [indistinguishable] bike shop on [indistinguishable] street in Iowa City." (I believe she slurred the words so that I couldn't find it).

"Okay, that sounds fun, but I was looking for something a little more international."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, see, when I travel somewhere, I'd rather not just go to the travel agency, I'd rather go to a different country... You know?"

"I guess I'm confused... why don't you just stop by and pick up some brochures of other countries?"

"Yes, I'll certainly do that. Well, thank you very much for you assistance."

*Kelly hangs up.*

It was only after she hung up that i realized it had turned into a prank call. I certainly hadn't meant it to. At least it was interesting.

Well, I need to do algebra, so that'll be all for tonight!

Throw Away Day

Day 3
"Today, throw away something you like."

Much harder than it sounds. The hardest part about it is finding a balance between picking something that I like, and picking something that I wouldn't be too devastated about loosing. I don't want to feel lame about not throwing away something important enough, but I also don't want to regret throwing something away that I like.

I walked around my room, hoping that something would fall on my toe so that I could throw it away out of spite. Alas, such a sign did not come. This decision was made even harder by the fact that I am at a boarding school, for which I try to pack only things I actually use and care about. Even so, just yesterday I uttered the words "I have so much s**t... why do I have so much s**t?" Yet I could find nothing to dispose of. 

I turned over drawers, ruffled through clothing, and rummaged around shelves. Everything was either too valuable, or not valuable enough. 

As I was filing through filing cabinets, I realized that maybe I shouldn't take it quite as seriously as I had been. I just have to throw away something I like, not something I'm seriously attached to. After some thought, and some more rummaging, I selected a t-shirt. It was my favorite shirt for a while; I got it in New York City on a trip with my parents, and wore it until it got to just the right worn-down-ness.  But its remaining life has been decreasing, and I feel like, though I have an attachment to it (if not a strong one), it's time for it to go. But as I threw it away, my mind made one last attempt to stop me. What if I sent this to some impoverished country or something where a shirt like this is a big deal to a lot of families? But of course I'd never actually do that. If something has potential, but that potential will never be utilized, is it really a waste to throw it away? Is it still even potential? That isn't a rhetorical question- just wondering.

And I threw away the shirt.

The Love(s) of My Life

Day 2
"Today, gaze at everyone wondering whether they might be the one true love of your life, the one destined for you and you alone, and whether you might be passing them by forever... Act in consequence."
At first, it seemed pretty straight forward. However, as I began to try to follow these directions, it became increasingly apparent how vague they actually are. Am I supposed to think that everyone actually might be the true love of my life and then act in consequence directly, or, once I think of them that way, am I allowed to decide if they really might be and therefor if I want to act or not? Also, what exactly is involved in acting in consequence?
I never really figured any of this out. I asked a few people what they would think if I asked them to marry me, or what college they were going to and if I could go to the same one with them. I considered most of the people I met during the day, but there was little to act upon. Finally, at 11:30, I proposed to three of my friends. Their responses were as follows:
"Um... sorry, but I'm already engaged." (not the truth, but the kindest of my responses).
"No." (before I had even finished kneeling).
"Go away, I'm tired." (he did look tired).
Fortunately for all, it seems that despite my persistence in asking, no one has agreed to marry me. What did I get out of today? Many odd looks, practice explaining myself by saying "It's a long story." a sore knee, and (as always) more tired. I suppose there's probably a learning curve to this sort of thing. Perhaps tomorrow will be more fulfilling.

The Beginning/Warm Up

Day 1
    "As this is your first day, you should warm up with an easy task that will only change your life a little bit. Choose one of the following options:"

Chose one of the following options? I didn't sign up for this to warm up, I signed up to change my life! Only choosing one would leave nineteen wonderfully odd things un-done. Unacceptable. I shall do all of them. I'm sure I'll regret this enthusiasm half way down the line, but again- that's what I signed up for! Below is a timetable of my achievements.

6:03 pm: Googled "press-up," found out it's pretty much a push-up. Proceeded to do one.

   Notes: ... I really need to get in shape...

6:05 pm: Turned on music, performed a strip tease in front of mirror. 

    Notes: Discovering un-known talents can sometimes be terrifying (but possibly lucrative?)

6:09 pm: Triple-tied shoelaces.

   Notes: lol

6:13 pm: Learned "chopsticks" on the piano

   Notes: I preformed this beautifully constructed and excellently played masterpiece for Alan.

6:23 pm: Told someone my middle name

   Notes: He said he didn't know my first name.

6:47 pm: Typed for 60 seconds as fast as I could, and then did the same for another 60 seconds. attempting to increase the length by three words.

   Notes: I don't think it counts if you use shorter words the second time. Whatever.

6:53 pm: We don't have roads with crosswalks for at least three miles. Instead of jaywalking in a pedestrian zone, I danced around the dorm lounge in a ridiculous fashion for about 40 seconds.

   Notes: Always remember that many rooms in this world are equipped with windows into which people can see...

6:55:07 pm: Set all (three) clocks to the right time.

   Notes: It's not hard when two of your three clocks are automatically set by a satellite.

6:57 pm: Whispered a white lie when no one was listening.

   Notes: It took me a while to think of one. I went with the standard "Of course what you're wearing doesn't make you look fat," I couldn't think of anything else.

6:59 pm: Fantasized about my partner

   Notes: I don't have a partner. So who was I fantasizing about?

7:07 pm: Searched for like five minutes until I could actually find someone with a comb (it seems brushes are superior), and combed my hair.

   Notes: My hair is too short to comb, so I figure I could change "Use a different sized comb" to "Use a comb."

7:08 pm: Said "Yo" instead of "Hello"

   Notes: I probably said it two or three other times today as well, but this one still felt special.

7:10 pm: Went on a one minute hunger strike to save the penguins.

   Notes: There were no donations, but at least I raised the awareness, right?

7:32 pm: Bookmarked a new website

   Notes: Yup... it was this one...

7:34 pm: Named my genitalia Calvin, Hobbes, and Caleb

   Notes: I had an auction- I named my genitalia after whoever won. Caleb won, paying me $1.

7:43 pm: Decided that the middle toe on my left foot is the prettiest

   Notes: I had to un-triple-knot my shoes to do so.

11:01 pm: Called my roommate and put the phone up to my left ear, rather than my normal right.

   Notes: No notes.

11:02 pm: Insulted a bug (it was dead).

   Notes: I felt bad, so I apologized to it.

11:26 pm: Tried a new sandwich filling!

   Notes: Dried mango in stale bread- not as appetizing as it found.

The first day is complete. Already, I am feeling just a little bit more meaning in my life.

p.s. My good friend Aaron has decided to join me in my endeavors. Today, he did a press-up, told someone his middle name, went on a minute-long hunger strike, and said "Yo" instead of "Hello." All in 15 minutes. Props.