Why I Do Such Things

As the sameness of my work and environment closed in on my mind and soul, feeding the now formidable flames of my cynicism and disaffection, I knew something had to be done. Something life-changing. The answer? This Book Will Change Your Life. Written by the intentionally obscure authors Ben and Henrik, this book is a 365 step guide to truly living. Each day I am assigned a task from this book- anything from trying a new fruit to bailing a stranger out of jail, or navigating an entire day without the sense of touch. I will hand deliver my emails for a day, pick up a hitch-hiker, get into a fight, and learn ballet. Hellen Keller says "Life is a daring adventure, or nothing." I plan to make it the former... (to read more, click here)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

I'm Too Lazy to Think of A Pun

Day 37

Today would have been a great opportunity to make a pun by substituting the word "knight" for "night." However, I am rather tired and have had a lazy day, and I don't expect that to change in the near future. Dad, if you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments (beware, however, that if I am ever captured by enemy spies, they could use them as a method of torture).

I applied for knighthood today. I wrote an email to the authorities of England saying the following:

It is my wish to become officially recognized as a knight. I already possess at least three certificates of knighthood from several Renaissance fairs, however I suspect these have expired by now, and, given my situation (which I can explain in more depth in person*), I expect you shall have no trouble knighting me this coming summer. Please contact me promptly at the following address:
[my address]
Greatest thanks,
-Nicholas Tippins

My strategy in writing this letter was to make them feel like I am their superior by saying things such as "I expect," "It is my wish," and "contact me promptly," therefor subconsciously creating a need within them to please me. Though I have considerable doubts about this plan, it's certainly worth a shot.

*This gives me time to think of an appropriate situation

2 comments:

  1. "A Knight to Remember"
    "A Knight That Will Live in Infamy"
    "One Knight's Stand"
    "A Dark and Sleepy Knight"
    "Knight or the Living Dead?"
    "Good Knight"

    (Dad's not the only punster in the family!) ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Knighty-knight
    Good Knight Moon
    And to all a good Knight
    Good Knight Mrs. Calabash
    Knight time in the garden of good and evil

    ReplyDelete